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Sunday, December 31, 2017

Goth = Kinky & Promiscuous Fetishists?

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Today I'm gonna talk about another misconception that is very common, and especially experienced by many goth women. And that is that many people think that goths are ''easy'', and into kinks.
This is obviously because many people confuse the goth scene with the fetish scene. And why is that? I think it's completely understandable. But here comes the truth!

Let me first start off by saying that ''goth'' and ''fetish'' are two completely different scenes. BUT they do entertwine! Mostly by the fashion. Goths back in the day used to shop clothes at sex shops because it was the only place that carried alternative-looking clothes. Today tons of famous goth models are sporting PVC, latex and vinyl clothing in their photoshoots, as well as ''stripper'' shoes and pastied breasts hanging freely above their corsets. On the street or in clubs you might see people dressed in PVC from head to toe. Does this mean that these people are ''easy'' and crazy in the bedroom? No.
Fetish is a part of your life that is hidden away for the most part (and that probably makes it even more fun), not an entire lifestyle that takes up a lot of your life and time.
Goth is something you are all the time, you can't really change that. For many people it's a lifestyle, and it takes up many aspects of their life. But most importantly goth is about music. Some of this music (especially the more electronic stuff that sometimes is argued to not even be part of goth) is sexy or about sex, and played at fetish parties, but that of course doesn't mean that people who like that music indulge in kinks. And it doesn't mean that people in the fetish scene are goths either.
BUT that doesn't mean that people are not into both things, of course!

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My main point is that what music you listen to or how one chooses to dress doesn't neccessarily indicate sexual promiscuousness. Now everyone has seen women out on the town in tiny dresses stumbling on high heels and inwardly shaken their head, but we shouldn't judge and assume what people do in private just because of how they dress. So just because you see a person dressed in shiny, tightfitting clothing, doesn't mean that they are into whatever things you can think of - or that they will sleep with you. Same when it comes to singing the overly sexual pop songs of today.

So all goths aren't fetishists? Hell no! Have you seen those TV shows where they showcase people with ''weird'' fetishes? Most of them look like ordinary people! You might even know people who have things in their bedside table drawer that might scare you - even your mother. Tons of ordinary people are involved in the fetish scene! The quiet guy in your office might dress in catsuits on his free time. Obviously people's preferences in the bedroom are a private thing, so you will never know who is into what - and if you find out, you will probably be shocked!

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Now let me tell you about fetish parties. Many people are too scared to go to one, but are curious. Most of us are sexual beings, it's completely normal. Fetish parties are NOT sex parties. Shocked, huh? Well, it's true. A lot of fetish parties / clubs / club nights don't even involve actual intercourse. It's a celebration of diversity, and an open and friendly environment for people to relax in. There ARE some that have private rooms where people can indulge in activities, but they are of course that, private. Some even have activities happening all over the place out in the open! It all depends on the place / scene / event organizer. Not all fetish parties are the same. Some are innocent in the sense that people get to dress up in the finery that collects dust in their closet, listen to good music and see some interesting performances or fashion shows, and some.. well, you can only imagine.

Let me give you some advice if you want to go to such an event:
- Prepare yourself. There's not only beautiful women with beautiful bodies in their early 20's there. Many older people go there as well! So ask yourself if you can handle seeing it. It's 2017 and sexualized things are everywhere in media, but not everyone is comfortable with nudity when confronted with it in person.
- Don't stare! For god's sake. I get it, there's tons of uhm, things to look at, but it's still impolite to stare. At least make up for it by giving them a compliment or something. This does not count for when people are engaging in activities. Unless it's happening as a performance, don't stare.
- No touching! I honestly don't think this should even be said, but to some people, apparently people in less clothes think they want you to touch them. WRONG. No grabbing, spanking or anything, unless they have specifically asked for it. Yes, on the dancefloor too. In the words of Shania Twain; ''If you wanna touch her, ask!'' (yes, I love Shania Twain. I'm not ashamed.) By all means, a fetish party where you can indulge in activities is the place to just walk up to a stranger and ask them to join you (though this does happen in any club, weirdly enough) - but if they decline, it's no biggie. Accept that. There's no shame here!
- Dress code. You won't even get in if you're not in the dresscode (some events have guest lists, even). For women this is easy, almost anything you can get nowadays is considered ''sexy'' - but for men it's a little trickier. Leather is probably the easiest to obtain. But ''less is more'' is also a good way to go! Get creative, use your toys, accessories and gear. I'm sorry I don't have much advice, but consult the dresscode for the specific event you're going to, not everyone is as strict on this.
- Safe words. Some events have certain safe words, some do not. If they don't, a simple ''slow down'' or ''stop'' will do. Respect this.
- Don't call people freaks just because they're not into the same thing as you. You are at a fetish party. These things are celebrated and normal here, and for many it's the only place they can really express their enjoyment for it. If you really think it's so freaky, just leave.

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There. I think that's all I have. Moral of the story: One doesn't mean the other, but they can entertwine, of course! There is a big middle ground where the goth and fetish cultures meet, and it's hard to see where it starts and ends. This is just again a ''yes and no'', and ''anyone can''. The thing is that goths are more open-minded, and we are not afraid to express it - that's why it might seem like ''oh goths are this and that''. But in all reality, anyone can partake in it, it's just not out in the open for everyone to see and talk about - obviously. Almost every human has sexual desires, and usually a fetish as well, be it something they share with most of the population, or something most people would consider weird. The fetish scene is great, it's a safe place to be yourself and celebrate who you are and your interests without being judged. It just happens that so is the goth scene! And I think many people who are far away from these cultures have a thing or two to learn from them.

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Post Yule

I realize that the rest of the photos from the holidays are of me... Whoops. But let's do a post out of them anyway! I'll be THAT narcissistic. First yule day (as we call the 25th here) we had a delicious dinner (mmm, fat...). Most of the day we didn't do much (I was still working on uploading files from my old computer to one of these cloud thingies). After a nap (we've been REALLY tired this holiday!) we went to Isak's and had a nice time drinking and talking - until we suddenly realized it was 3 AM! That was pretty shocking as we had been going to bed pretty early most of the days.
Jacket and skirt - Historial Emporium
Tube top - Poizen Industries
Striped stockings - Walmart around halloween

Boring make-up.
I remembered why I don't do cateye make-up.
Not doing that again anytime soon LOL


I felt so lovely in a long skirt!
I never get to wear them.
(Cause you know, practicality.)

Second yule day Simen's aunt and uncle came over, and we had a nice dinner - With an even nicer dessert! Sadly I miscalculated how much dinner I should have eaten, and never finished the dessert :(

The next day the shops were open again, so we ran some errands in what they apparently call ''the city'', which is a tiny doll's city center compared to what this big city girl is used to, haha.
Later in the evening we went to a pre-party with Simen's old classmates. They were supposed to go to a locally arranged party, but when we went to it last year we absolutely hated it, so four of us decided to spend the rest of the evening at Isak's place. We had a nice time, but we all ended up getting tired pretty quickly - Pathetic, haha. We were driving home the next day anyway.
Feeling more like myself in black make-up


So on the 28th we headed home. We got a pretty late start since we had been drinking the night before. It got even worse when we stopped by Simen's grandma and ended up staying longer than planned. When we left there it was dark already (around 5 PM). It sucked driving through the landscape between the big cities, as big parts don't have lights. I say that as if I was driving. I only did my duty as entertainer of the driver so he didn't fall asleep! So now we're home again.

Today I've been at work, and it was super quiet, so pretty boring. I got a yule present from work though! Now we have even more to drink for new years. I'll probably be back with one more post before that. After that my blog will officially be 1 year old! I made it during the holidays last year, but I didn't start posting until it was 2017. I should celebrate! And most of all, thank you for reading it! I'll probably update the design and do a little year in review or something.
Anyways, I'll leave now, and if we don't touch through the internet before then, happy new year!

Friday, December 29, 2017

The Big Eve!

And now for the big evening! Here in Norway we celebrate on the 24th. Simen's mother had the idea to fold napkins in some way, and we found a video tutorial on yule trees! I love that her color of choice was black. I was apparently the only one who managed to make them ''nice enough''. They were quite the hit, so I ended up making some for Simen's aunt and uncle later!




No yule without Disney!

Simen's dad in the apron we gave him last year!
If you didn't catch it, it's a reference to ''Dinner For One''.

My make-up for the evening.
Lipstick applied AFTER dinner, of course.




Had to take some lovey dovey photos.

Simen in his new coat!

We bought each other Dracula Clothing, haha!

Finally a corset that fits me!
It's 18'', but obviously just barely tightened here.
The waist cincher length is perfect for my short waist!

No yule without!

Cufflinks for my bunad (national costume)!
Amazingly generous from my aunt and uncle.

We got lots of useful stuff, wow!

Books and dvds for me!
My family knows me well.

VR glasses for Simen - He loves them!

My sister got me these from H&M!

A better photo of my corset.
Here laced down to about 19''.

Maybe a slightly better photo of Simen's new coat?

Gah, too many pictures! It was a really nice day with Simen's family. After dinner was kind of a blur, with so many people unwrapping so many presents. I barely managed to remember what we got! So the next days were spent checking them out. We still have to open all the kitchen equipment!

I'm writing this shortly after we arrived home again, hoping to get some warmth in my fingers. I hope you've all had a nice holiday! For us it's back to work tomorrow, but we both have new year's eve off. I'll probably get up the last post about our holiday tomorrow! I also have a post about goth and fetish culture in the works, I think that'll be really interesting for many people. See you soon!

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

It's Yuletide!

On the 21st we drove down to Simen's parents, Isak riding along with us. Greeting us was the wonderful tree! This is probably the best yule tree I have ever seen. We have a baby version, but for now I just use it as a jewelry tree.


Sheer off-the-shoulder top - Second hand
Haunted Mansion tights - Dysfunctional Doll
Fluffy kitty socks - Second hand (from my sister)

Now it's yule!
This beer is called ''more yule than jesus''.
It's a milk and cookies brown ale! Delicious.

Fluffy feet!
The next day we drove and then walked through the terrain to Simen's aunt and uncle's cabin.
Really cozy!

Put a blanket on the cat, hahah.

Simen uncleing

Every year Simen's family has this gift game.
You roll dice; 6 = take a present, 1 = give away if you have more than one.
Round 1 you just take from the presents on the table.
Round 2 you steal / give presents around the table.
Round 3 we unwrap, and then go again!
And of course at the end we trade the stuff we don't really need.
So this was our haul!

In Norway it's tradition to watch ''Dinner For One'' on ''little yule eve'' (the 23rd).
Fittingly, a brewery in Bergen made beers based on it!
Sophie a blonde yule ale and James a brown yule ale.
So we had those while laughing ourselves to tears.
Same procedure as every year!

I've never seen so many presents!
We were 10 people celebrating this year.
This included two young children.

Heart necklace - Alchemy Gothic
Red plaid sweater dress - Forever 21
Minnie socks - H&M

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Yule In Bergen

Hello, everyone! I know you haven't heard from me in a while. The time before yule has been REALLY busy for me! I haven't even had time to play with my new laptop that Simen randomly gave me! Not even as a yule present, he's crazy! I was almost mad, I couldn't believe it. But now everything from my old one is uploaded into a cloud (I am assured that I can trust technology), and I have almost downloaded everything I wanted onto this new one. It's an Asus Zenbook... something.
I took some extra shifts and ended up working 8 days in a row. My workplace looks nice and just festive enough though! 




My city is very beautifully decorated.
We even have a new yule market!



A big delivery order

Our little friend Speorge! c:

The world's smallest gingerbread town!
We also have the world's largest.
Bergen rocks!

Baby bodies with local humor

Cute public toilets!

Forced Simen to be a toilet guard LOL

A delicious cupcake!




Awesome yule beers from a local brewery.

Found this at the yule market!

My family's tree! We helped decorate it.


I'll cut this off here, so the post won't be too long. So this is PRE Yule, and my next post will be from when we arrived at Simen's parents' house, and we'll see how many posts I have to do to cover the holidays. I'll make up for my absense with several posts! Love you guys, hope you've had a nice yule!
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